Last week we saw an entry where I was determined to be on the lookout for God on what was otherwise a very ordinary day.  Today I’ll share the account of how I actually experienced God in the mundane.  Little longer than normal today, enjoy!

August 29, 1997 9:26 AM

     TGIF! Well, I had a good Thursday.  Essentially it was a day that resulted in a bit of reconciliation.  This just hit me.  Perhaps it is because I’m sitting in my history class right now.  Booker T. Washington – he knew that African-Americans would not achieve equal rights immediately, but that there was a process that they would have to go through.  He was willing to accept the time and work involved.  Laura (my ex) and I won’t be the friends that we need to be immediately.  Last night she apologized for the way she had been behaving and expressed her desire to be able to share openly and honestly with each other.  Well, like Booker, I accept the process involved in being able to do that.

     I want to be able to have her rejoice with me in my relationships (i.e. with Faith).  My role is to lay down my life for Laura so that one day she will be able to do that.

     Okay, present-day-Cody just has to break in here at this point.  I mean, what a friggin’ idiot!  Did you get that? I actually thought that it was possible that my ex-girlfriend could get to the point of being happy about the girl I starting going out with right after her.  If this is not a testimony to the importance of having a mentor in your life I don’t know what it.  I had one at the time, but it was my ex-girlfriend’s mother.  So, on these issues, I was understandably less-than forthright.  So, once again, let me just ask you the question:  Are you in a dating / romantic relationship right now? If so, what older, wiser, godlier person are you letting in on that relationship? Have you really shared what’s going on in that relationship?  What’s going on in your heart?  Does your mentor have permission to speak into your life?  CAN YOU HEAR WISDOM OR CAN YOU ONLY HEAR THINGS AS WISE IF YOU ALREADY AGREE WITH THEM? 

     That’s so important.  The ability to hear wisdom can be measured by your ability to be corrected.  This can apply to many areas of life.  Of course, I am mentioning dating / romantic issues here.  And I’ll say this, I have seen this kind of problem SO MANY TIMES in the lives of young adults who want to follow Jesus, are convinced they know “God’s will” for their relationships, but prove totally unable to hear wisdom about those relationships.  Are you like that? I was, and it sucks.  So stop it! Get a real mentor.  Okay, back to the journal . . .

     So, like I said, I’m in history class right now.  I think Booker T. was an amazing man.  He made the statement that both whites and blacks should forget everything in the past (or at least “throw off the hindrances of the past”) and “put their buckets down where they are.”  That’s good advice for the person who doesn’t know Jesus.  Forget your life and be with God.  Everything can change.

     I’ll say this.  Whether my thoughts sound super intelligent to me now or not, I am inspired by the fact that “being on the lookout for God” enabled me to hear His whisper even in a history class.  That’s a good thing.  It was a real encouragement to me on that day, and that’s enough to encourage me to be on the lookout for God today.

     I couldn’t really find God in my psych class though.

11:00 AM

     I wonder what Faith is doing.  Psychology class is so boring. 

6:54 PM

     I can hardly believe that this week is finally reaching an end.  This definitely hasn’t been a miserable experience.  Overall, I feel that I have been strengthened spiritually.  What is it about a fast that can bring you into a state of clearer thinking?

     I can’t help but feel some anxiety in facing this weekend.  I really don’t know what to expect.  What will Faith’s reaction be when she sees me?  Will we be able to spend the entire day together? Will she want to go to church with me?  She may even have to work on Sunday.  Yada-yada-yada.  So I take it all and throw it to Jesus.  I’m motivated by the Spirit and a willingness to follow His will.  I believe tomorrow will be a very satisfying spiritual experience.  I believe that the remainder of (or at least some of) my questions will be answered.  In the hours to come, I will seek His presence and purpose.

     Okay, so I mentioned this fast before I think.  Basically, I was in a relationship with a girl that was getting very confusing.  We agreed to fast from each other – no contact at all – for 1 week.  I was planning then to go see her at the end of that week.  I just want to say here that I remember being super anxious about seeing her again.  I was so worried that she just wouldn’t love me or be my girlfriend or whatever.  The anxiety was something that I battled all week, but I remember intentionally trying to avoid journaling about it.  It was a real chore to trust in the Lord during that time.  I remember that sometimes I would just quote Proverbs 3:5-6 to myself – praying, “Lord, help me to trust you.  Lord, help me to lean on you.  Lord, in all my ways, help me to acknowledge you.  Lord, make my paths straight.”  It got to where every time I found myself worrying about this issue I would start praying that.  It may sound a bit strange, but doing so was so effective in helping take those thought captive and keep them from leading me into doubt and despair.

11:51 PM

     Well, the fast will be officially over in a few minutes.  I guess I could call her.  But I don’t want to risk blowing tomorrow’s surprise.  I’m struggling with Satan.  By the grace of God I’ve come really far this week.  I won’t let myself think these thoughts.  I won’t even humor Satan by recording them.  They will be obedient to Christ!

What I know:

·         I’m glad we fasted!

·         It was long and very difficult.

·         Satan furiously and desperately attacked me.

·         God held me up.  He won!

·         Jesus really is my best friend.

·         He makes everything clear.

·         He alone is the real joy-giver.

·         I’m kind of nervous about seeing Faith.

·         My love for Faith is an “agape” – Christ-like love.

·         I will tell her that I love her in as many different ways as I possibly can, so that she’ll believe me.

·         I was very tempted to leave those last two out.  Maybe no one will read this far down the blog.

·         Even if she doesn’t love me, God has given me a powerful love and we can be great friends.

·         God is so good to me.

·         “All I can ask will be much more than given.”

·         Everything I am, all that I do, whenever others praise that which appears to come from me, I know it is all from God.

·         What I don’t know doesn’t matter . . .

o   For I know my tomorrows bring their own sorrows.  I can’t fore see today.  But if I know God, He’ll find a way to bless me.  It’s just like Him.

     Well, it all sounds nice and optimistic.  But what really happened when I saw Faith the next day?  Who was really in for a surprise?  I’ll leave that for next time.

Many blessings,

Cody